Category Archives: The Simpsons

Articles that touch on some of the activities of the Simpson family since they’ve relocated from Springfield to Bricklyn

Bricklyn Loop Monorail Draws Eyes Skyward

November 3, 2023

by David Plater Blue, Metro Desk Reporter

Be sure to check out the Reader Responses to this article. Feel free to email your feedback to us at: bricklynvt@gmail.com

A crowd of Bricklynites looked skyward this afternoon as the Bricklyn Rail Transport Agency’s (BRTA) monorail service began operations, looping around South Bricklyn’s downtown core. Besides providing public transit to this growing commercial and residential area, the kilometer long monorail line avoids creating ground-level congestion.

*Engineer and Federal Council member Bill B. Butler, aka “3B.” Bricklyn Eagle archive photo.*

South Bricklyn Federal Council representative Bill B. Butler — who also works as a railroad engineer for Bricklyn’s Union Pacific rail line — applauded the inauguration of the monorail.

Butler explained that the Bricklyn Loop Monorail is based on that of the world-renowned Wuppertal, Germany, suspended monorail (“Schwebebahn”) system that has operated since 1901. As Butler noted, “for implementation in a LEGO city such as South Bricklyn, the BRTA monorail drew on the work of the talented LEGO design and engineering firm, JC Brickworks.”

Here’s a short video of the Bricklyn Loop Monorail in operation.

According to Stephen Plater Mills, CEO of the BRTA, “the BRTA decided on constructing a suspended system, as used in Wuppertal, Germany, rather than a Disney-like monorail system.” As Mills noted, “the Wuppertal system has proven itself for more than a century with its suspended carriage design.”

*Bricklyn Loop Monorail passing in front of the Railyard Jazz Club before arriving at Southside Loop Station.*

*Wuppertal, Germany, suspended monorail (the Schwebebahn). Photo from Wikipedia.*

Mills also suggested that those interested in learning more about suspended monorails, should read about the 12km, 20 station, Wuppertal monorail line, or watch this YouTube video about suspended monorail systems, including a 2km line serving Germany’s Dusseldorf airport.

*The Dusseldorf Airport suspended monorail. Photo by Konstantin von Wedelstaedt. Wikimedia Commons.*

When asked whether Bricklynites should have any cause for alarm due to the infamous 1991 Springfield monorail disaster, CEO Mills acknowledged “the concerns some may have about monorail safety given that unfortunate event and the fact that Homer Simpson — implicated in the Springfield crash — is now living in Bricklyn” [see FAQ #5] and has been spotted loitering by the two monorail stations.”

Homer Simpson seen loitering by the Southside Monorail Station last week while the monorail was doing test runs. FYI, note the giant-size donuts Homer is carrying. Dave Tiler Broffman, CEO of Dunk Them Donuts, has just come out with these mega donuts, in an effort to redirect Bricklynites crowding into the newly opened Pastries by Patsy café back to Broffman’s Dunk Them Donuts shops. Photo by Bricklyn Eagle reporter David Plater Blue.

But, as Mills explained, “unlike the Springfield monorail, with its flimsy construction and untested solar-power design, our monorail has been carefully engineered and rigorously tested. With its dynamic motor, solid plastic construction, and state of the art remote WiFi controls, the Bricklyn Loop Monorail will provide Bricklynites with years of safe and convenient service.” As to Simpson, Mills declared, “keep him loaded with those mega donuts and he won’t cause any monorail mischief.”

See our Reader Responses to this article, including a Response & Video Questioning BRTA’s Safety Claims

Asked about future plans, Mills told us that “If the initial South Bricklyn loop proves successful, phase 2 will extend the line through the Great Wall of Bricklyn. As Mills noted, “this will allow connectivity with key locations, including Bricklyn University, the Bricklyn Medical Center, and BIA (Bricklyn International Airport).”

Mills did acknowledge that Outland visitors to Bricklyn would be unable to view this portion of an expanded monorail system, as it would run on the other side of the Great Wall. However, as Bricklyn Eagle readers know, Bricklyn’s top scientists have been looking into potential workarounds that someday would allow visitors to see those portions of the Realm currently blocked off by the Great Wall.

In the meantime, Bricklynites and tourists alike can enjoy a safe, quiet, and comfortable ride, while enjoying scenic views of Lake Bricklyn and South Bricklyn’s downtown buildings.✥

Excerpt from The Simpsons episode “Marge vs. the Monorail.” includes the classic closing line: “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do.” Notably, the episode was written by Conan O’Brien, and includes the appearance of Leonard Nimoy. Also noteworthy, the role of solar power and its consequences for the monorail! For links to the full episode.

See our Reader Responses to this article, including a Response & Video Questioning BRTA’s Safety Claims

Shocking “Private” Poems Become a Public Matter

February 5, 2023

by Brenda Softbrick, Arts & Literature Correspondent, with support from Samantha B. Fortune, Health & Science correspondent

Summary of Article ➤ Brickman “private” poems on donuts and croissants found on street outside Bricklyn Eagle offices. Brickman offers explanation for his “doggerel.”

Groundskeeper Willie by *Bricklyn Eagle* trash can this morning. The papers he found were retrieved on the street near the trash can shortly before Willie delivered them to reporter Softbrick. Photo by Brenda Softbrick.

This reporter on arriving at work this morning was given two pieces of paper by Groundskeeper Willie. As Willie explained: “Ah fun thae twa papers ootdoors this mornin’ as ah wis daein’ mah roonds. Ah didnae ken if thay wur overflowing fae yer office’s wee trashcan. Ah brought tae yer affice as ah wasn’t sure if ye wanted thaim.” 📍

📍As Simpson fans know Groundskeeper Willie has a strong Scottish accent. Here he’s describing how he found two papers on the street this morning while he was making his rounds, and brought them to The Eagle’s offices as he wasn’t sure whether or not they were meant for the trash. [Scottish translation using scotranslate.] For those not familiar with Bricklyn’s history, Willie came here in 2019 as part of the surprising relocation of the Simpson family and friends from Springfield to Bricklyn.

In examining the papers, I immediately realized they were written by our editor and reporter, Walt Brickman, as I’m familiar with his handwriting.

Our paper in its reporting has sought to be an objective and neutral voice in local affairs, and a publication that values journalistic transparency. After consulting with fellow reporter Samantha Fortune, we decided to immediately transcribe and publish the poems in The Eagle online.

As readers will quickly note, the poems touch on the subject of the heated “great debate” in Bricklyn dealing with donuts and croissants.

I located Editor Brickman at his home, just a block from our offices, while he was about to have breakfast. He acknowledged being the author of these poems. As Brickman acknowledged:

Bricklyn Eagle Editor Walt Brickman — *Bricklyn Eagle* Editor Walt Brickman in front of the newspaper’s offices. Photo from *The Eagle’s* archives.

“Yes, I was passing time writing that doggerel that Groundskeeper Willie apparently picked up on the sidewalk near our office’s trash can. It is no secret that one of my hobbies is in writing poetry, especially what I hope some will find to be humorous odes.”

Brickman continued, “The poems you found and are printing today, however, were not meant for public distribution or viewing, and I’m not going to say whether or not they represent my personal views about donuts or croissants — views I am not going to share with you or with anyone else.”

As Brickman added: “I do want to say that Groundskeeper Willie did the right thing in bringing the papers back to our office, and I also do not fault you as a reporter for making them public, as they were found on the street, and not through any invasion of my home or office. I own full responsibility for my carelessness in how I discarded these papers.”

The impact, if any, of the disclosure of the Brickman poems on “The Great Donut” debate, and on the rumored opening of a French patisserie, will be seen over the coming days. ✥

Update: Feb. 5, 2023, 9 pm EST. After reading this article, please read the apology & explanation just posted by Walt Brickman.

Here is the text of the two poems Groundskeeper Willie found on the street near the Bricklyn Eagle’s offices.

Oh Donuts So Sweet

Oh Donuts, sweet confection of the skies,
With frosting swirls and sprinkles bright,
You bring a smile to all who espies,
A simple joy that shines so light.

Your circular form, a perfect sphere,
So pleasing to the eye and soul,
With fluffy dough that’s soft and fair,
And flavors that can make us whole.

Chocolate and glaze, a classic treat,
With frosted flakes that crunch so loud,
Or jelly filled, a burst of sweet,
That dances on the tongue, so proud.

Symbol of our simplest joy and vows
A treat that brings us all together,
A bite of happiness, a day of wows
That makes our hearts feel light as feathers.

So here’s to you, O Donuts, round,
A wonder of the bakery’s art,
May you forever be found,
In every heart and every cart.
transcribed from Walt Brickman handwritten pages

Crust of Pain

O croissant, thou flaky crust of pain,
A treat to eyes, but a cruel disdain.
Thy layers, so delicate, crisp and light,
A false promise of taste, in the morning light.

Oh French pastries, thou art a deceit,
With sweet aroma, thou dost mock and cheat.
Thou art a lie, in disguise so fair,
A guise of delight, hiding true despair.

For as thou art bitten, thy flavor doth fade,
Leaving a bitter, unpleasant taste.
Thy dough, so tough, chewy, hard and dry,
A cruel punishment, with every bite nigh.

Oh croissant, thou art a cruel tease,
A pastry of sorrow, a pastry of fleas.
Thou art not fit for the morning meal,
But a source of frustration, that dost me steal.

So, I say this with a heavy heart,
That thou, croissant, hast played thy part,
In bringing me grief, in bringing me pain,
Thou art the bane of my morning sustenance.
transcribed from Walt Brickman handwritten pages

Update: Feb. 5, 2023, 9 pm EST:

See the Apology & Explanation Just Posted by Walt Brickman.

We welcome Letters to the Editor. Please email to: bricklynvt@gmail.com

Bricklyn’s “Great Donut Debate” Heads to the Federal Council

January 31, 2023

by Mark Tiler Richmond, Bricklyn Eagle Politics & Law Correspondent

Summary of Article ➤ “The Great Donut Debate” heads to the Federal Council for action as partisans line up on both sides of the issue.

Federal Chancellor Malter Thurnbrick outside Federal Council chambers.

Federal Chancellor Malter Thurnbrick has announced that the Federal Council at its February 8^th meeting will take up the increasingly contentious “great donut debate,” as it considers whether to ban the consumption of donuts, a position advocated by a growing number of Bricklynites.

For several years Bricklyn has prided itself on being “The Donut Capital of America.” Donuts have become a staple of many Bricklynites’ daily diet.

Homer Simpson being taken in for booking at police station.

However, as we have previously reported, a surge in crime has been largely attributed to donut theft. This crime wave has rocked Bricklyn’s previously tranquil streets. Indeed, Mr. Homer Simpson was recently booked for this heinous activity (see photo on left).

Concern over donut overconsumption has also been taken up as a rallying cry by Preacher Johnny Plater Kahn and his adherents, who blame donuts for the wrath of God being wreaked on Bricklyn through thunderous booms filling the skies almost every day.

Pastor Kahn and his followers rail against donut over-consumption.

But Kahn is not alone in casting aspersions on donuts, as many others have blamed donuts, if not for being the cause of divine punishment, then at least for adding unhealthy pounds to Bricklynites’ waistlines.

Donut deniers have coalesced, and are seeking to ban the sale of donuts. According to Henry Brickbelly, leader of the newly formed advocacy group, “NoDos,” “we’re going to our Federal Councilors, the people we’ve elected, to tell them we no longer want donuts in Bricklyn.” As Brickbelly added, “it’s time to look for something else to have with coffee.”

With the opening of Le Bricklyn Hotel, the Realm’s first French hotel, members of the influential Bricklyn Chapter of the Alliance Française are in sync with Brickbelly’s suggestion, as they are advocating for a switch to croissants, offering as a solution the conversion of Bricklyn’s donut shops into patisseries. As Alliance Board member Bill Tiler French put it, “Les Bricklynites vont rapidement développer un amour pour les croissants!”

Donut proponents, however, are also raising their voices. Tom Brickorti, President of the Bricklyn Chamber of Commerce, told us, “donuts are critical to our Realm’s tourist economy,” noting that “the boom in donut shops resulting from the Simpson family’s relocation to Bricklyn in December 2019, has led to a significant increase in tourism.”

Tom Brickorti of the Bricklyn Chamber of Commerce.

Brickorti reports that Simpson fans from both Outland and Inland cities “want to eat in the same donut shops where Homer Simpson eats, and perhaps even catch sight of the celebrity.”

The Bricklyn Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association (BPBA) has also taken a stand in favor of donuts. As part of their 2022 contract negotiations with the City of Bricklyn, the BPBA even demanded the opening of a donut shop inside the main station house. The City agreed not only to this, but also to providing a per diem of a half dozen donuts per officer.

Donuts in their right hands, CuDo coins in their left hands. Will the Federal Council end everyday Bricklyn scenes like this?

What’s more, Bricklyn traditionalists have pointed to Bricklyn’s very currency, the CopperDonut or CuDo, as symbolic of the longstanding love affair Bricklynites have with donuts. “Will the banning of donuts,” Brickorti asked, “mean we will have to replace our cherished CuDos with dollars and cents? I certainly hope not!” ✥

The Bricklyn Eagle will be covering the Federal Council’s February 8th meeting, to be held in the Federal Building’s Dunk the Donut meeting room.

Where do you stand on the Great Donut Debate? As a Friend of Bricklyn, your reaction is valued. Send your comments or questions to Bricklyn Eagle Editor Walt Brickman: bricklynvt@gmail.com