Author Archives: Walt Brickman, Editor, The Bricklyn Eagle

New Bricklyn Monorail Draws Eyes Skyward

Bricklyn Eagle Masthead

November 3, 2023

by David Plater Blue, Metro Desk Reporter

Be sure to check out the Reader Responses to this article. Feel free to email your feedback to us at:

A crowd of Bricklynites looked skyward this afternoon as the Bricklyn Rail Transport Agency’s (BRTA) monorail service began operations, looping around South Bricklyn’s downtown core. Besides providing public transit to this growing commercial and residential area, the kilometer long monorail line avoids creating ground-level congestion.

Engineer and Federal Council member Bill B. Butler, aka “3B.” Bricklyn Eagle archive photo.

South Bricklyn Federal Council representative Bill B. Butler — who also works as a railroad engineer for Bricklyn’s “Brickstar” high speed rail line — applauded the inauguration of the monorail.

Butler explained that the Bricklyn Loop Monorail is based on that of the world-renowned Wuppertal, Germany, suspended monorail (“Schwebebahn”) system that has operated since 1901. As Butler noted, “for implementation in a LEGO city such as South Bricklyn, the BRTA monorail drew on the work of the talented LEGO design and engineering firm, JC Brickworks.”

Here’s a short video of the Bricklyn Loop Monorail in operation.

Disney Monorail. From Wikipedia.

According to Stephen Plater Mills, CEO of the BRTA, “the BRTA decided on constructing a suspended system, as used in Wuppertal, Germany, rather than a Disney-like monorail system.” As Mills noted, “the Wuppertal system has proven itself for more than a century with its suspended carriage design.”

Bricklyn Loop Monorail passing in front of the Railyard Jazz Club before arriving at Southside Loop Station.
Wuppertal, Germany, suspended monorail (the Schwebebahn). Photo from Wikipedia.

Mills also suggested that those interested in learning more about suspended monorails, should read about the 12km, 20 station, Wuppertal monorail line, or watch this YouTube video about suspended monorail systems, including a 2km line serving Germany’s Dusseldorf airport.

Dusseldorf Airport suspended monorail.
The Dusseldorf Airport suspended monorail. Photo by Konstantin von Wedelstaedt. Wikimedia Commons.

When asked whether Bricklynites should have any cause for alarm due to the infamous 1991 Springfield monorail disaster, CEO Mills acknowledged “the concerns some may have about monorail safety given that unfortunate event and the fact that Homer Simpson — implicated in the Springfield crash — is now living in Bricklyn” [see FAQ #5] and has been spotted loitering by the two monorail stations.”

Homer Simpson seen loitering by the Southside Monorail Station last week while the monorail was doing test runs. FYI, note the giant-size donuts Homer is carrying. Dave Tiler Broffman, CEO of Dunk Them Donuts, has just come out with these mega donuts, in an effort to redirect Bricklynites crowding into the newly opened Pastries by Patsy café back to Broffman’s Dunk Them Donuts shops. Photo by Bricklyn Eagle reporter David Plater Blue.

But, as Mills explained, “unlike the Springfield monorail, with its flimsy construction and untested solar-power design, our monorail has been carefully engineered and rigorously tested. With its dynamic motor, solid plastic construction, and state of the art remote WiFi controls, the Bricklyn Loop Monorail will provide Bricklynites with years of safe and convenient service.” As to Simpson, Mills declared, “keep him loaded with those mega donuts and he won’t cause any monorail mischief.”

See our Reader Responses to this article, including a Response & Video Questioning BRTA’s Safety Claims

Asked about future plans, Mills told us that “If the initial South Bricklyn loop proves successful, phase 2 will extend the line through the Great Wall of Bricklyn. As Mills noted, “this will allow connectivity with key locations, including Bricklyn University, the Bricklyn Medical Center, and BIA (Bricklyn International Airport).”

Mills did acknowledge that Outland visitors to Bricklyn would be unable to view this portion of an expanded monorail system, as it would run on the other side of the Great Wall. However, as Bricklyn Eagle readers know, Bricklyn’s top scientists have been looking into potential workarounds that someday would allow visitors to see those portions of the Realm currently blocked off by the Great Wall.

In the meantime, Bricklynites and tourists alike can enjoy a safe, quiet, and comfortable ride, while enjoying scenic views of Lake Bricklyn and South Bricklyn’s downtown buildings.✥

Excerpt from The Simpsons episode “Marge vs. the Monorail.” includes the classic closing line: “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do.” Notably, the episode was written by Conan O’Brien, and includes the appearance of Leonard Nimoy. Also noteworthy, the role of solar power and its consequences for the monorail! For links to the full episode.

See our Reader Responses to this article, including a Response & Video Questioning BRTA’s Safety Claims

“Pastries by Patsy,” a New French-Style Bakery / Café, Now Open Downtown

Updated: October 26, 2023

by Gloria Vanderbrick, People in the News Correspondent.

A huge crowd of Bricklynites came to celebrate the opening of “Pastries by Patsy” in front of the Southeast Corner Building downtown today.

A crowd gathered outside the Southeast Corner Building, now the ground floor home of Pastries by Patsy. Speakers holding croissants at the opening day ceremonies included, from left to right: Bill Tiler French of the Bricklyn Alliance Française; Tom Brickorti, CEO of the Bricklyn Chamber of Commerce; Patsy Brickerson, avatar of the real Patsy; and Hilma Plater-Zybrick, President of the Federal Council.

The new store replaces a pizza shop, and adds a touch of “le français au centre-ville,” as Bill Tiler French, board member of Bricklyn’s chapter of The Alliance Française, put it.

Photo of the real Patsy on opening day of her café. Because of privacy concerns, any Outlander in Bricklyn (including Outlanders who own businesses in Bricklyn), must have their images digitally altered.

The real Patsy was in attendance for the festivities, along with her Bricklyn avatar, Patsy Brickerson. The real Patsy was thrilled, but stunned, by the number of Bricklynites cheering on her new café.

“C’est incroyable de voir autant d’habitants de Bricklyn ici aujourd’hui. Nous allons faire de notre mieux pour élargir la variété des pâtisseries disponibles, et nous aurons aussi notre propre version des beignets de Bricklyn!”

Michel Tiler Brioche, rumored to be under consideration for the position of sous-chef at Patsy’s. Some say he looks a lot like the Muppets’ “Swedish Chef”?

Et la vraie Patsy d’ajouter : “Je vais aussi avoir besoin d’embaucher un sous-chef très rapidement.”

The Bricklyn Eagle’s original March 10, 2023 news story about Pastries by Patsy and interview of the real Patsy follows below:

Bricklyn Eagle: What got you interested in opening up a bakery in downtown Bricklyn, and will this be your first foray into operating a bakery?

Patsy: I have been operating the bakery as a home-based business in the Outland city of Burlington, VT, for many years. When a prime location opened up in the desirable and nearby Inland community of Bricklyn, I seized the opportunity.

Pastries by Patsy will be on the ground floor (by the brown canopy) of the historic Southeast Corner Building, also home to the Bricklyn Natural History Museum on the second floor, and around the corner from the new Space Flight Park.

Bricklyn Eagle: We’ve heard your bakery will be replacing the pizza shop in the historic Southeast Corner Building. What appealed to you about that location?

Patsy: My realtor, a certain Mr. xxxxxx (who, I might add, received a considerable commission on the transaction!) convinced me that this is the perfect location for my bakery, being near transit and on the bike-pedestrian pathway.

It’s also immediately below the Bricklyn Natural History Museum, which I heard is a very popular attraction.

Making the deal even better, I was able to purchase the pizza shop’s ovens, which are in very good condition, at a quite reasonable price.

Sal Brickfour, owner of the now closed PizzaBrick shop, showing Patsy Brickerson the inside kitchen layout of what will soon be Pastries by Patsy.

Note: As required by Bricklyn’s “Avatar” law, all Outland persons owning businesses in Bricklyn must be represented by an “avatar minifigure” — so here, the real Outland Patsy is represented by her Bricklyn avatar, Patsy Brickerson. For reasons of privacy and security, only a very few Bricklyn officials in the Office of Consular Affairs are aware of the actual identity of the Outland owner / operator of a Bricklyn business.

I should add that Mr. Tim Brickedy of the Bricklyn zoning and planning office was very helpful in facilitating the permitting process.

Bricklyn Eagle: Will you be offering sit-down service inside, and/or on your patio?

Patsy: We will have seating for 12 indoors, where patrons can watch the baking in process, and additional seating for 12 on the patio, with views of the Bricklyn bike and ped path, looking out towards the historic, tree-lined Northside Square neighborhood.

Bricklyn Eagle: Can you give us a preview of your menu, and tell our readers what they have to look forward to?

Patsy: Here is a copy of our menu, which I think will whet everyone’s appetite. You will notice that the menu includes beignets au cidre de pomme to please doughnut-loving Bricklynites!

📍Note: Patsy’s spelling of donuts as “doughnuts” indicates her north-of-the-border Canadian roots.

Bricklyn Eagle: We know you are aware of Bricklyn Eagle Editor Brickman’s unfortunate — and, I might add, completely out of character — comments about donuts and croissants. We also know that he has apologized and offered an explanation to our readers. What is your reaction to these recent events?

Patsy: Initially I was insulted and deeply wounded. However, Walt Brickman apologized and wrote a beautiful ode to croissants. It is the most beautiful poem I have ever read! I have accepted Mr. Brickman’s apology, and I am confident that he will learn to appreciate the true beauty of French pastries when he visits Pastries by Patsy.

Bricklyn Eagle: We have heard that you are a member of your home region’s chapter of the Alliance Française. Members of the Bricklyn chapter have told me they are looking forward to meeting you. Is there anything you’d like to share with our readers about the role an Alliance Française can play in fostering French-oriented businesses?

Patsy: Did you know that the Alliance Française has generously offered to teach Bricklyn business owners and their employees how to speak French and use the subjunctive mood correctly? The classes will be held at Pastries by Patsy.

Bricklyn Eagle: Finally, as you know there are many passionate donut lovers in Bricklyn. Do you believe that coexistence of croissants and donuts is possible?

Patsy: My beignets au cidre de pomme, which are baked rather than fried, demonstrate that croissant and doughnut lovers can more than just coexist, then can live happily together!

Bricklyn Eagle: So apparently, Just as the farmer and the cowman should be friends, so should the doughnut and the croissant lover!📍 What a delightful note to end our conversation on. Best wishes, Patsy, for your success, and we look forward to your opening this Spring. ✥

📍Note from Gloria: I just couldn’t resist that allusion to one of my favorite musical numbers. If you haven’t heard it in a while, take a listen!

If readers have any questions or comments about Pastries by Patsy, please email us and we will forward them on to Patsy.

Bear Sightings Proliferate in Bricklyn

Excerpt from recent story in South Burlington’s the Other Paper, October 12, 2023.

October 17, 2023

by David Plater Blue, Metro Desk Reporter

The “bear problem” in Vermont — including South Burlington (the outland city within which Bricklyn is now located) — has made its way into the Tripartite Realm of Bricklyn. Numerous sightings of a strange looking bear have been reported.

Here are some photos that Bricklyn residents have sent in to The Bricklyn Eagle.

In response to the various bear alerts that have sent screeching warnings to Bricklyn cellphones, we are now able to report the identity of this so-called “comedic bear.” Called “Fozzie Bear,” this banana loving bear, whose bad jokes defy any known sense of humor is part of the family of “Muppets.”

A team of our talented reporters are investigating how this Fozzie Bear came to be in Bricklyn. This includes possible linkages with the recent appearance of Rowlf the Dog,” one of the principals of the Muppets clan. The Eagle has also received reports from Bricklynites of a chubby pink pig with long blonde hair and a skinny green banjo-toting frog near the Southwest Corner building downtown. Are they connected to the Fozzie bear sightings? Our inquiring readers want to know. ✥