Category Archives: The Simpsons

Articles that touch on some of the activities of the Simpson family since they’ve relocated from Springfield to Bricklyn

Agreement Brokered by “Gang of Four” Defuses Donut Crisis

February 11, 2023

by Bricklyn Eagle political correspondent Eric Tiler Corman

Prior articles on “The Great Donut Debate”

Summary of Article ➤ A petition calling for banning the sale and consumption of donuts in the Realm of Bricklyn has been withdrawn after successful efforts at mediating the dispute between pro and anti-donut groups.

In a series of behind-the-scenes meetings, a group of four mediators has brokered an agreement between pro-donut and pro-croissant groups.

Federal Council President Hilma Plater-Zybrick announced last night that a petition to ban the sale and consumption of donuts has been withdrawn, and that the Council will endorse both foods as “vital to the Realm,” and take steps to ensure that both are readily available for sale and consumption in Bricklyn.

Plater-Zybrick showed her skill by leading the Council through this latest crisis. Plater-Zybrick was instrumental in bringing together the “Gang of Four,” the unofficial name given to the mediation team, comprised of two Bricklyn mediators, joined by two from the Outland city of South Burlington, Vermont.

As is required by the ethics of their profession, none of the mediators would offer any comments to the press. However, after speaking to some of the interested parties, we can report on how the parties reached an agreement, an agreement unanimously endorsed by the Federal Council last night.

*Pro-croissant Henry Brickbelly and pro-donut Jessica Tiler Jones, celebrate the end of the “Great Bricklyn Donut Debate” by sharing a table outside The Exchange Building.*

Henry Brickbelly, leader of “NoDos,” the anti-donut, pro-croissant advocacy group acknowledged that banning donuts “might have been a step too far.”

As Brickbelly explained, “the Gang of Four reminded us of the American experience with Prohibition in the 1920s and early ‘30s and how that led to higher levels of organized crime and bootlegging, the loss of thousands of jobs, and then the ultimate repeal of Prohibition. … We didn’t want to go down that road.”

Anti-donut forces also apparently realized that their petition’s prospects looked dim once news began circulating that the Council might request that the League of Inland Cities enshrine the donut’s status as an object of “intangible cultural heritage in Bricklyn.”

Outland Friends of Bricklyn also weighed in against the donut ban, and in favor of reaching some accommodation between those favoring donuts, and those favoring croissants.

Tom Brickorti of the Bricklyn Chamber of Commerce — *Bricklyn Chamber of Commerce President Tom Brickorti*

Chamber of Commerce President Tom Brickorti, noted that: “The mediation process with the Gang of Four worked well. The Chamber and various business interests reminded everyone of the continued economic benefits to Bricklyn from its donut shops and related enterprises, and the importance of keeping the Simpson clan here.

At the same time we were able to point to the increase in tourism from francophone nations already resulting from the new Le Bricklyn Hotel, and the fact that a French patisserie is planning to open here soon.”

As Brickorti added, “our pro-croissant friends are great people, who came to see that banning donuts was not needed in order to promote croissants. From the Chamber’s perspective valuing both donuts and croissants was a win-win outcome.“

*Dave Tiler Broffman , CEO of Dunk Them Donuts, on upper North Street this morning — eyeing his donut, not the road.*

Dave Tiler Broffman , CEO of Dunk Them Donuts, the Bricklyn-based donut distribution enterprise, echoed Brickorti’s sentiments, commenting that “we were all ultimately on the same page, in wanting to keep Bricklyn’s donut traditions alive, while also allowing for a new diversity of food cultures.”

Chief Clancy Wiggum, head of the pro-donut Bricklyn Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association (BPBA) pointed out that “our members look forward to learning to appreciate the taste of croissants, especially,” he grinned, “when they’ll be delivered fresh out of the oven to the station house every morning, at no cost to our officers!” ✥

➤ For more on the use of mediation in resolving conflicts, see Building Consensus, by Lawrence Susskind & Patrick Field, from our companion publication, the Planning Commissioners Journal.

Shocking “Private” Poems Become a Public Matter

February 5, 2023

by Brenda Softbrick, The Bricklyn Eagle’s Culture & History correspondent, with support from Samantha B. Fortune, Health & Science correspondent

Summary of Article ➤ Brickman “private” poems on donuts and croissants found on street outside Bricklyn Eagle offices. Brickman offers explanation for his “doggerel.”

Groundskeeper Willie by *Bricklyn Eagle* trash can this morning. The papers he found were retrieved on the street near the trash can shortly before Willie delivered them to reporter Softbrick. Photo by Brenda Softbrick.

This reporter on arriving at work this morning was given two pieces of paper by Groundskeeper Willie. As Willie explained: “Ah fun thae twa papers ootdoors this mornin’ as ah wis daein’ mah roonds. Ah didnae ken if thay wur overflowing fae yer office’s wee trashcan. Ah brought tae yer affice as ah wasn’t sure if ye wanted thaim.” 📍

📍As Simpson fans know Groundskeeper Willie has a strong Scottish accent. Here he’s describing how he found two papers on the street this morning while he was making his rounds, and brought them to The Eagle’s offices as he wasn’t sure whether or not they were meant for the trash. [Scottish translation using scotranslate.] For those not familiar with Bricklyn’s history, Willie came here in 2020 as part of the surprising relocation of the Simpson family and friends from Springfield to Bricklyn. See Bricklyn FAQ #5.

In examining the papers, I immediately realized they were written by our editor and reporter, Walt Brickman, as I’m familiar with his handwriting.

Our paper in its reporting has sought to be an objective and neutral voice in local affairs, and a publication that values journalistic transparency. After consulting with fellow reporter Samantha Fortune, we decided to immediately transcribe and publish the poems in The Eagle online.

As readers will quickly note, the poems touch on the subject of the heated “great debate” in Bricklyn dealing with donuts and croissants.

I located Editor Brickman at his home, just a block from our offices, while he was about to have breakfast. He acknowledged being the author of these poems. As Brickman acknowledged:

Bricklyn Eagle Editor Walt Brickman — *Bricklyn Eagle* Editor Walt Brickman in front of the newspaper’s offices. Photo from *The Eagle’s* archives.

“Yes, I was passing time writing that doggerel that Groundskeeper Willie apparently picked up on the sidewalk near our office’s trash can. It is no secret that one of my hobbies is in writing poetry, especially what I hope some will find to be humorous odes.”

Brickman continued, “The poems you found and are printing today, however, were not meant for public distribution or viewing, and I’m not going to say whether or not they represent my personal views about donuts or croissants — views I am not going to share with you or with anyone else.”

As Brickman added: “I do want to say that Groundskeeper Willie did the right thing in bringing the papers back to our office, and I also do not fault you as a reporter for making them public, as they were found on the street, and not through any invasion of my home or office. I own full responsibility for my carelessness in how I discarded these papers.”

The impact, if any, of the disclosure of the Brickman poems on “The Great Donut” debate, and on the rumored opening of a French patisserie, will be seen over the coming days. ✥

Update: Feb. 5, 2023, 9 pm EST. After reading this article, please read the apology & explanation just posted by Walt Brickman.

Here is the text of the two poems Groundskeeper Willie found on the street near the Bricklyn Eagle’s offices.

Oh Donuts So Sweet

Oh Donuts, sweet confection of the skies,
With frosting swirls and sprinkles bright,
You bring a smile to all who espies,
A simple joy that shines so light.

Your circular form, a perfect sphere,
So pleasing to the eye and soul,
With fluffy dough that’s soft and fair,
And flavors that can make us whole.

Chocolate and glaze, a classic treat,
With frosted flakes that crunch so loud,
Or jelly filled, a burst of sweet,
That dances on the tongue, so proud.

Symbol of our simplest joy and vows
A treat that brings us all together,
A bite of happiness, a day of wows
That makes our hearts feel light as feathers.

So here’s to you, O Donuts, round,
A wonder of the bakery’s art,
May you forever be found,
In every heart and every cart.
transcribed from Walt Brickman handwritten pages

Crust of Pain

O croissant, thou flaky crust of pain,
A treat to eyes, but a cruel disdain.
Thy layers, so delicate, crisp and light,
A false promise of taste, in the morning light.

Oh French pastries, thou art a deceit,
With sweet aroma, thou dost mock and cheat.
Thou art a lie, in disguise so fair,
A guise of delight, hiding true despair.

For as thou art bitten, thy flavor doth fade,
Leaving a bitter, unpleasant taste.
Thy dough, so tough, chewy, hard and dry,
A cruel punishment, with every bite nigh.

Oh croissant, thou art a cruel tease,
A pastry of sorrow, a pastry of fleas.
Thou art not fit for the morning meal,
But a source of frustration, that dost me steal.

So, I say this with a heavy heart,
That thou, croissant, hast played thy part,
In bringing me grief, in bringing me pain,
Thou art the bane of my morning sustenance.
transcribed from Walt Brickman handwritten pages

Update: Feb. 5, 2023, 9 pm EST:

See the Apology & Explanation Just Posted by Walt Brickman.

Bricklyn’s “Great Donut Debate” Heads to the Federal Council

January 31, 2023

by Eric Tiler Corman, The Bricklyn Eagle’s political correspondent.

Summary of Article ➤ “The Great Donut Debate” heads to the Federal Council for action as partisans line up on both sides of the issue.

Federal Chancellor Malter Thurnbrick outside Federal Council chambers.

Federal Chancellor Malter Thurnbrick has announced that the Federal Council at its February 8^th meeting will take up the increasingly contentious “great donut debate,” as it considers whether to ban the consumption of donuts, a position advocated by a growing number of Bricklynites.

For several years Bricklyn has prided itself on being “The Donut Capital of America.” Donuts have become a staple of many Bricklynites’ daily diet.

Homer Simpson being taken in for booking at police station.

However, as we have previously reported, a surge in crime has been largely attributed to donut theft. This crime wave has rocked Bricklyn’s previously tranquil streets. Indeed, Mr. Homer Simpson was recently booked for this heinous activity (see photo on left).

Concern over donut overconsumption has also been taken up as a rallying cry by Preacher Johnny Plater Kahn and his adherents, who blame donuts for the wrath of God being wreaked on Bricklyn through thunderous booms filling the skies almost every day.

Pastor Kahn and his followers rail against donut over-consumption.

But Kahn is not alone in casting aspersions on donuts, as many others have blamed donuts, if not for being the cause of divine punishment, then at least for adding unhealthy pounds to Bricklynites’ waistlines.

Donut deniers have coalesced, and are seeking to ban the sale of donuts. According to Henry Brickbelly, leader of the newly formed advocacy group, “NoDos,” “we’re going to our Federal Councilors, the people we’ve elected, to tell them we no longer want donuts in Bricklyn.” As Brickbelly added, “it’s time to look for something else to have with coffee.”

With the opening of Le Bricklyn Hotel, the Realm’s first French hotel, members of the influential Bricklyn Chapter of the Alliance Française are in sync with Brickbelly’s suggestion, as they are advocating for a switch to croissants, offering as a solution the conversion of Bricklyn’s donut shops into patisseries. As the Alliance’s Bill Tiler French put it, “Les Bricklynites vont rapidement développer un amour pour les croissants!”

Donut proponents, however, are also raising their voices. Tom Brickorti, President of the Bricklyn Chamber of Commerce, told us, “donuts are critical to our Realm’s tourist economy,” noting that “the boom in donut shops [resulting from the Simpson family’s relocation to Bricklyn in January 2020], has led to a significant increase in tourism.”

Brickorti reports that Simpson fans from both Outland and Inland cities “want to eat in the same donut shops where Homer Simpson eats, and perhaps even catch sight of the celebrity.”

The Bricklyn Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association (BPBA) has also taken a stand in favor of donuts. As part of their 2022 contract negotiations with the City of Bricklyn, the BPBA even demanded the opening of a donut shop inside the main station house. The City agreed not only to this, but also to providing a per diem of a half dozen donuts per officer.

Donuts in their right hands, CuDo coins in their left hands. Will the Federal Council end everyday Bricklyn scenes like this?

What’s more, Bricklyn traditionalists have pointed to Bricklyn’s very currency, the CopperDonut or CuDo, as symbolic of the longstanding love affair Bricklynites have with donuts. “Will the banning of donuts,” Brickorti asked, “mean we will have to replace our cherished CuDos with dollars and cents? I certainly hope not!” ✥

The Bricklyn Eagle will be covering the Federal Council’s February 8th meeting, to be held in the Federal Building’s Dunk the Donut meeting room.

Where do you stand on the Great Donut Debate? As a Friend of Bricklyn, your reaction is valued. Send your comments or questions to Bricklyn Eagle Editor Walt Brickman: bricklynvt@gmail.com